My Heart Must Be Bigger Than My Emotions

     My heart must be bigger than my temporary emotions. I woke up this morning, and if I am being completely honest, there is a lot on my mind. In 73 days, I will be boarding a plane, and my life will be changed. I have always been the type of girl who liked change, most people are afraid of it, but more times than not I am seeking it out in my life. I want to be better. I want to give more, laugh more, listen more, forgive more, and love more. I know that my time in the Dominican will change me forever and it excites me, but this morning I am facing some fears as well. I like the life I live. I enjoy the feeling of being established and having the comfort of certain people who have known me my entire life. I am realizing that I am being asked to put this comfort aside for a time, and I have no clue as to how long this time will last.
     When I was in the Dominican, I volunteered to share my story with some people in a village, and at an all girls orphanage. I've done this many times, but never in a different culture. Never with people who physically had so little. I was nervous. As I began to talk, I wished that I never would have volunteered. This was way out of my comfort zone.
    I had to continue to remind myself to talk slow and clear so that the translator would be able to accurately relay what I was saying. As I began to share about my brother and sisters death, tears fell. These tears were not a representation of me being sad because of the death of Michelle and Jason, but tears of compassion while I looked into the eyes of the hurting. There were 70+ people there, adults and children, and I was not sure if anything I had to say would ever encourage them. Their gaze was directly on me and I could see the pain. I realized that I was talking to people who had faced trials and pain that I could not even imagine. How would my story ever encourage or help them in anyway?See that's the thing about fear... it lies. If you listen to it long enough, you will mistake it for truth.           When I finished speaking, a woman came to me and said "When you talked, they listened. God is using your story in powerful ways. I see so much strength in you." In that moment I was a little overwhelmed with emotion, because for those few moments, in some small way, I felt the weight of those peoples pain. In the days after, I saw the joy they had, which flowed so naturally from within them. You can live in a dark world, but still have light beaming from the core of who you are.
     I treasure these memories close to my heart. I may have never experienced them, or learned a very important lesson if I allowed my fears to defeat me. My love for people must be bigger than my fears. My dreams must be bigger then the comfort of today. My heart must be bigger than my emotions.
- Meghan

 

The Money Mountain

     We live in a society that is driven by money. If you live in America, then it is pretty safe to assume that there have been few days that you did not have at least a small interaction with money. For many people, it can be a source of worry, or anxiety. When I first heard about the GAP year during my week trip to the Dominican last August, my initial reaction was, "There is no way I could raise that much money." $10,500 and then another $800 for airfare was a huge mountain, and if I'm being completely honest, I did not have any desire to even attempt to climb.
    As I continued on with my week in the Dominican, I felt God question my faith. "If the money were not a problem, if I provided you with all the financial resources you needed, would you be willing to give me that year of your life? Would you be willing to put your career on hold for a year? Would you be willing to live in a culture that is not you own?" My answer as I looked out of the window of a van, driving down a dirt road, leaving the people that I fell in love with in just one short week was "Yes." I knew in that moment that if God truly wanted me there, he would make it clear, and he would provide. There is only one response that I am required to give when God calls me to do something, and that is a simple "Yes."
     After my acceptance to the GAP program, about 3 months after I had left the Dominican, I knew it was time to let everyone know of my plans and start fundraising. I sent out letters to some of my family and close friends. I also began to advertise for a spaghetti dinner/ raffle fundraiser. I had a lot of encouraging responses and many people supported me by financially donating. Before the event I had raised roughly $2,000. As the event came closer, I was amazed at the support I received. So many people donated baskets, and every time I turned around there were more, and more! My wonderful cousin, and a few other people made delicious desserts to sell, and my Dad's friend bought all the ingredients to make the sauce. Two weeks before the event, I was trying to estimate how much money I could possibly make if "X" amount of people came. I wanted to make $3,000 because I saw that as a goal that could be attained. One day as I was praying I felt God question my hearts motive. "Have you given this to me? Do you trust me to go above and beyond your expectations? Dream big Meghan, and pray in expectation." That day I realized that money is nothing to God. He is above our financial understanding. He is in control. That was the first time the number $5,000 was laid on my heart.
    I treasured this number in my heart and prayed over it for the next two weeks. The day of the event had finally arrived and I was excited and anxious all at the same time. To say that I felt loved throughout those 4 hours in an understatement. There were times where I would literally just stand still and soak it all in. I have heard this saying many times "Wherever you are, be all there." In those moments, I was all there. I wasn't just there, but I was there with a heart that overflowed with pure thankfulness.
    At the end of the event, I sat down, began to count the money and open up the donation envelopes. I was amazed at peoples generosity. At one point I began to cry, because it was unbelievable to see how many people were supporting me on this God ordained journey. When I had finished counting, the total amount raised was $4,800. Now, do not get me wrong, I was THANKFUL, but to say that there wasn't a little disappointment in my heart would be a lie. "God, you told my $5,000 and we were so close. But, you will provide. I know you will provide." This thought replayed over, and over again in the short 5 minute drive home from the dinner. It wasn't until we unloaded the car that it hit me. "The envelope!" One of my wonderful friends, gave me an envelope while we were setting up earlier that morning and told me to put it in a safe place, and open it later. I quickly got the envelope out of the bag, and before I could even open it, tears began to fall. I knew in my heart that God was providing! Even though common sense would say, "There is no way a college aged girl would be able to give $200." I serve a God that put the galaxies into motion. I opened the envelope and had to sit down because I was physically unable to stand. 300 Dollars and a beautiful card from a friend who lives each day obeying Gods call on her life. $5,100 total. God exceeded my expectation. He gave me a dream and he showed up, because that is what he does. He always shows up!
    I have gotten more generous donations since then and currently owe $140 to the organization and will hopefully raise some more money for some of my travel expenses. If you would like to donate you can do so online http://www.scoreintl.org/donate/gap-student/. If you do not feel comfortable with an online transaction, you can contact me for more information.
    I am blessed beyond measured. I am excited to see how God provides the rest of the money, and then how He provides for me in many different ways when I get to the Dominican on August 25th. I read this yesterday in a card that was given
to me for my High School graduation, I hope that it encourages you as it has me.
"Some people are committed to the challenge to walk within His will and do their part- They're sure to make a difference in the world, because there's such a difference in their heart."
For His Glory!
-Meghan

The Start of a Dream

     I do not want my first post to be one that address finances, because this dream, and desire did not start with a dollar amount. It did not start because I thought that one day it would make me rich; it did not start because I thought it was easy, but it started because I was moved.
     I hope that each one of you reading this, will understand, from personal experience, what it means to be "moved". Have you ever experienced a passion that gained so much momentum in your life, that it in many ways consumed who you were? This is the kind of passion that when your thoughts drift out of reality, they always somehow end up at that desire. If you answered the above question with a "yes", then you have in fact been "moved".
     There have been many times in my life when I have been moved by my faith; when there was nothing else I would rather do then go be by a lake somewhere, and simply sit in the presence of my creator. I have treasured these experiences and still yearn for more and more. Unfortunately, there have only been a few times when I was moved by a cause, or for people. It makes me sad when I reread what I just wrote, because I have always desired to have a heart for others, and I now realize that I have wasted a lot of my life being consumed by my own "issues", or pain. But, it is never too late to make your life count.
     When I went to the Dominican Republic last year, I was "moved". Not the kind of moved you feel, when you see those SPCA commercials with pictures of sad dogs, and Sarah McLachlan singing a ballad. Not the kind of moved you feel when you see a picture of a hungry child that asks you to donate a dollar a day. Please understand that I am not saying any of these foundations are bad, but in America we like to feel movement that lasts for a minute and then passes when we complete some "generous" act that only took a few minutes of our time, and dollars from our pocket. This movement I experienced was life changing for me. For some reason graduating college, and then going on to grad school, and then getting some teaching job that I would do till I retired, wasn't that appealing to me anymore. I wanted to help these people in some way, because they taught me more than any degree ever could. They taught me how to give, how to love, and truly how to do life together.
    I will be going to the Dominican for 9 months come this August. The program I will be a part of will give me the opportunity to learn in a hands on way, what it means to dedicate your life to helping those who live in a different culture. To say that I am excited is an understatement! I have been yearning for this since my week trip to the Dominican last August. I am starting this Blog so that I can share with you all the many stories and lessons that will impact my life forever. The cool thing is that this program is a just a small step towards my ultimate dream of starting a school in a third world country, where education is withheld from certain people, by the government, to keep people enslaved. I am not much of a writer, so please bare with me as I do my best to paint a picture, with words, of the passion growing inside of me. In the next few days I will be rereading my journal that I wrote while I was in the Dominican to share specific stories with you all. Hopefully these stories will help you better understand my excitement in some way. I will also post about my financial journey to this point, because it is pretty amazing how so many people have supported me in huge ways! Thanks for reading, can't wait to share more of how God has literally been blowing my mind!