I don't have all the answers, but that's okay.

     What a day! Today I had the awesome opportunity to share with my church family at theWELL about my trip to the Dominican. For the past few years we have had an I Heart Buffalo series; this is when different people come in and talk to the church about ways to get involved in their local communities, as well as extended communities around the world. It truly was an honor to share.
I shared about my passion for the Dominican as well as my journey to this point in my life. I love to encourage others with my financial experiences because I believe that it really does point to God. I shared with everyone that I had raised all my money, but needed $150 more for my second set of airline tickets in December. During the last song of worship, I sat down and began to pray. I was keenly aware of the blessings in my life and I wanted to thank God for giving me more than I ever deserved, or ever will deserve. I realized that there was someone standing beside me, so I looked up and saw a young boy (around 4) and his father standing by me. The boy extended his arm and I then realized he had money in his hand ($160) that he was giving me. He had a huge smile on his face. To say that this is one of the most precious moments in my life thus far, would be an understatement. I gave him a huge hug and began to cry.
     After the service many more came to me with money, while sharing that they were moved by what I had to say and that they were confident that God would use me on this journey. One woman handed me a $100 bill and with tears in her eyes said that she felt God prodding her to bring cash to church, and she knew it was supposed to be given to me the moment I began to speak. One word to describe my morning... Blessed.
     I do not know how to fully put what I'm feeling right now into words, but that's okay. You see, I've recently had some interesting conversations with people about my faith. One in particular, was difficult. I am not a forcer of my beliefs, I will share in moments of authenticity, but I'm relational to the core, and with that comes a desire to know people in a real way, as well as be known. I don't want to hide who I am. So, when someone asks me about my faith, or even questions me, it doesn't bother me. What is hard, and hurtful, is when someone asks a question but doesn't want to listen to your answer. Their sole purpose is to attack your beliefs. I pray that I never do this. I pray that my eyes will always see a person, with a heart & emotions. I was hurt by this conversation, really hurt.
One of the great things about pain, of any kind, is that it causes you to reflect. I call it a heart check.       
     This morning I realized that I do not have all the answers, and even if I did, they wouldn't be good enough for every person that I meet in this world. I do not understand all the darkness in this world; sometimes I think about it and question where God is in it all. & honestly, I can't answer that question in a way that will please everyone. I will say, that this morning, and everyday if I keep my eyes open, I see beauty in this world. I see the creator writing "I love you Meghan" in a young boy's smile. I hear his voice say "I am here." as I weep over a broken family. As my lungs fill with air, supplying my body with all that it needs, I know with confidence that my times not up on this earth. Even with my last breath, I still want to see beauty, and I still want to believe. There are things that no one can take away from me, no amount of logic can take away those moments of love, and reckless abandonment.
     Today I want to encourage you all to first, be real with yourself; evaluate the places deep in your soul where there is pain & speak it out loud, in that same moment take in the beauty around you. Second, be willing to love on someone who is different from you. Go out of your way and make someone smile. Lastly, pray with expectation... and wait, He will come through.
~Meghan Elizabeth

"In this wasteland that I'm living, there is a crack in the door filled with light, & it's all I need to shine."

Just STOP and Breathe

People stop and stare with empty eyes, looking for a word to brighten their day. Sometimes I feel like I’m just too busy looking down to notice. Looking down at my phone, looking down to make sure that I don’t trip, that I don’t get hurt. It’s a metaphor, because to stop, to look up, to speak, is to be vulnerable. And we all have experienced it too many times to forget that to be vulnerable, can mean being rejected, or even worse, someone intentionally causing pain in your life.

Today I stopped. I said “God, please use me to encourage someone today. You’ve encouraged me and I want to encourage others. You were there when I felt hopeless and gave me a hope that became reality. You were there when the tears were falling and gave me love. Help me to be real and respond with words of love when others are real with me.”

My 23 years on this earth have been filled with a whirlwind of emotions. I’ve experienced what it is like to hold a child shortly after it has been born; I’ve experienced what it is like to sit next to someone as they take their last breath. I have seen the strong people in my life fall to their knees from unbearable pain; I have seen people rise to tackle a mountain and succeed.  I’ve felt heartbreak but I’ve also been the cause of someone’s heartbreak. Although I have experienced many things, I am still moved when people are vulnerable with me and share their story. When people share with me their joys, fears, dreams, and pain, I am sincerely moved.

It was my first time walking through this village. I could sense the oppression, I could feel the agony. The homes I saw were made of all different types of materials that were put together with one purpose, to create some type of shelter, something that felt safe. Our guide was a woman who had been in the village for many years, she spoke only Spanish, but loved flowed off of her in every direction. She had a light about her, although she walked with a burden for her people, she walked with a confidence that the LORD would heal the deepest of wounds; the wounds of the heart.

We walked through the village and stopped at house with a woman and a young boy sitting outside of it.  Our translator interpreted, and my ears began to listen, but my eyes did not leave the woman who was being comforted by our guide. As I looked into her eyes I could see she was experiencing loss. My eyes began to swell with tears because the emotion was tangible to me. It was one of the moments that it seems like the world stops and all you can feel is right now. The tears fell when our translator explained that her son was killed by her nephew, who is now in jail. The pain of a broken family, a hole in the heart that never completely heals on this side of eternity. The translator then asked “Who will pray for this woman and her family?”  Then I heard someone say “Meghan”. It was silent for a moment, not because I was afraid to pray, but because I needed to gain some composure. I breathed slowly and then spoke. The tears never stopped falling, even with my eyes closed, I could see this woman’s pain. When I finished praying, I still felt that pain, but I also felt joy. Over and over again I am learning that two emotions that are polar opposite can somehow be felt at the same time, and there is always a peace that comes with that.

Today, I will be aware; aware of others emotions. I will remind myself over and over again, that it is not about me. I am not the only one who is hurting. I am not the only one who feels pain. I will share my joy with others, but I will also share my weaknesses. I will listen to words that are both spoken, and unspoken. I will encourage until I have nothing left to give. LORD, give me your strength.

2 Corinthians 12:9 "But He said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

James 1:19 "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."