Blog from Feb. 22 that never posted: My Heart Is Being Opened To A Whole New World

So much has happened since the last time I wrote. I returned back to the Dominican in January and it has been such an adventure since that point. I haven’t really had time to Blog until this point. I just spent some time looking through the journal entries that I have written since my return.  I’ve experienced a plethora of emotions both good and bad.  I want to do something different for this blog and share with you excerpts from my journal. These are my thoughts that are raw and real in the moment in which they were written… I hope that they will in some way help you understand my struggle as well as my heart for this country!

January 8^th- A few days after my return. Prior to this point I struggled with being back in the Dominican and getting back into the daily grind, but the LORD is our all in all in every season of life.

“Here I sit at one of my favorite places. Right here on the water. It seems that here… the third world slips away. Here I am not tired, cranky, or selfish. I am. I am in the presence of the great I AM and nothing else seems to matter. My worries and anxiety about the future fade. My failures of the past no longer defeat me and I feel… fully HERE. Even though the wind blows, I do not feel shaken. I feel secure on my rock and refuge.”

January 11^th- Written in the moments when I did not feel like I had enough to be used and be effective in ministry.

“Today… I am so unfocused! My brain is moving in 100 different directions and I can’t seem to slow it down. It makes me feel crappy that I’m not getting things done. It even makes me feel like a failure… but then I stop and breathe and remind myself that this does not define me. These days when I seem to be useless, do not define me. My worth is from you and you alone… and although it may be an off day for me, it is not an off day for you! You never have days when you feel overwhelmed; you never have moments when you feel useless. You are perfect and strong, nothing takes you by surprise. And you live in me, so even in my weakness… you are strong. “Do you not say, four months more and then the harvest? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest.” (John 4:35) Today, Tomorrow, May 2^nd… There is a harvest…I just need to look and ask you to lead me.”

                Those were small excerpts from my daily internal battles and the way that God slowly brought me back to himself. & honestly those are the things that I need to hold onto each and every day. My heart was broken when I returned back from the States to find out that the 5 beautiful sisters I had written about previously were taken away by protective services and placed in different parts of the island. My heart broke that as I fell in love with a little boy named Noel at Josiah’s House, he was taken away to live with an unknown Uncle. My heart broke as our group prayed with a dying single mother of six, who could only slowly nod her head as in agreement to what we had shared. My heart broke as I saw a child and his mother with festering burn wounds and the only treatment they were able to receive was the ointment we had given to them.  My heart breaks.

My point to all of this isn’t for you to simply feel bad for the people of the Dominican, or to think “Wow, look at what Meghan’s doing!” It is simply in hopes that you would wake up. Yes, we live in a world of very hope-less situations, but we have a God who is a giver of hope in all situations. We have a God who makes beautiful sunsets and sunrises. He made the ocean and the mountains.  Just as much as I see how harsh this world can be, I see how great God is. I may walk into homes with dirt floors and tin roofs, and no running water, but I see joy on their faces. These are people that may have nothing by the standard of this world, but it only takes a few short moments to see they have a joy that no one can take away & they have a peace that even the roughest of storms will not break. Today, I ask you to respond in a very simple, yet powerful way… pray. Pray for the situations I have mentioned above. Pray for my heart and that God would continue to give me strength. Pray for my fellow GAP students and the missionaries we work with. Pray and remember that hope is real. Love is real… you just need to wake up and open your eyes.

 

A Call To Live With A Purpose

Walking the streets of a broken village, and yet something about it feels like home to me. The smells of the Dominican, the consistent dirty feet from the unpaved roads, the sound of the word “Buenas!” and the sight of a smile from a stranger, it all seems like home to me. As much as I long for my friends and family in Buffalo, I long for this time in my life to continue.  I will miss the weekly visits with Cinthia, Diahana, and Hedi. I will miss teaching Arlenis her numbers and losing at the game of “Memory”. I will miss Claudia’s hugs and Delianna’s surprised expression that I can speak a little bit of Spanish with her. I will miss my boys from Josiah’s House; who seem to know how to make me smile more than anyone else. I need to pause this thought. I am here. I am sitting right now in my bed in the Dominican Republic. How often do we think about the future and forget to live in the present? How many times do we say, “Well, next week….” Or next month, or even next year?  I don’t want to forget to be present. I’m beginning to realize that I spend a lot of time thinking about what’s next and I pray that when I take my last breath, I gave all that I had to that last moment on this earth. My time in the Dominican is not over, and when it does come to an end, I will be living out the same goal, just in another country with different people.  I want to love with a bold Jesus like love. I want to see people’s lives transformed. I want to see needs and help meet them.

Thank you all for your prayers and support! This past month has been full of adventures, laughter, and at times tears. I’ve jumped off waterfalls, I’ve helped translate, I’ve prayed with hurting people, I’ve even turned another year older and I’m surprised that even though I have been in the Dominican for 8 months, I can still see everything with fresh eyes and a new perspective. This is because I know my time here is not forever. How often do we go through the motions of life because we believe it has become mundane and repetitive? We stop looking, stop listening, and we stop sharing. We stop sharing our hearts, our hopes, our dreams. There is a sang that is often said at my home church in Buffalo “Do life together.” I believe that the only way we can truly “Do life” with one another is by taking into account the brevity of life. Every moment counts. Breathe in and breathe out. Be thankful and love deeply. Please don’t let this day slip away without seeing the beauty within it.