So much has happened since the last
time I wrote. I returned back to the Dominican in January and it has been such
an adventure since that point. I haven’t really had time to Blog until this
point. I just spent some time looking through the journal entries that I have
written since my return. I’ve
experienced a plethora of emotions both good and bad. I want to do something different for this
blog and share with you excerpts from my journal. These are my thoughts that
are raw and real in the moment in which they were written… I hope that they
will in some way help you understand my struggle as well as my heart for this
country!
January 8th- A few days after my return. Prior to
this point I struggled with being back in the Dominican and getting back into
the daily grind, but the LORD is our all in all in every season of life.
“Here I sit at one of my favorite places. Right here on the
water. It seems that here… the third world slips away. Here I am not tired,
cranky, or selfish. I am. I am in the presence of the great I AM and nothing
else seems to matter. My worries and anxiety about the future fade. My failures
of the past no longer defeat me and I feel… fully HERE. Even though the wind
blows, I do not feel shaken. I feel secure on my rock and refuge.”
January 11th- Written in the moments when I did
not feel like I had enough to be used and be effective in ministry.
“Today… I am so unfocused! My brain is moving in 100
different directions and I can’t seem to slow it down. It makes me feel crappy
that I’m not getting things done. It even makes me feel like a failure… but
then I stop and breathe and remind myself that this does not define me. These
days when I seem to be useless, do not define me. My worth is from you and you
alone… and although it may be an off day for me, it is not an off day for you!
You never have days when you feel overwhelmed; you never have moments when you
feel useless. You are perfect and strong, nothing takes you by surprise. And
you live in me, so even in my weakness… you are strong. “Do you not say, four
months more and then the harvest? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the
fields! They are ripe for harvest.” (John 4:35) Today, Tomorrow, May 2nd…
There is a harvest…I just need to look and ask you to lead me.”
Those
were small excerpts from my daily internal battles and the way that God slowly
brought me back to himself. & honestly those are the things that I need to
hold onto each and every day. My heart was broken when I returned back from the
States to find out that the 5 beautiful sisters I had written about previously
were taken away by protective services and placed in different parts of the
island. My heart broke that as I fell in love with a little boy named Noel at
Josiah’s House, he was taken away to live with an unknown Uncle. My heart broke
as our group prayed with a dying single mother of six, who could only slowly
nod her head as in agreement to what we had shared. My heart broke as I saw a
child and his mother with festering burn wounds and the only treatment they
were able to receive was the ointment we had given to them. My heart breaks.
My point to all of this isn’t for
you to simply feel bad for the people of the Dominican, or to think “Wow, look
at what Meghan’s doing!” It is simply in hopes that you would wake up. Yes, we
live in a world of very hope-less situations, but we have a God who is a giver
of hope in all situations. We have a God who makes beautiful sunsets and
sunrises. He made the ocean and the mountains. Just as much as I see how harsh this world can
be, I see how great God is. I may walk into homes with dirt floors and tin
roofs, and no running water, but I see joy on their faces. These are people
that may have nothing by the standard of this world, but it only takes a few
short moments to see they have a joy that no one can take away & they have
a peace that even the roughest of storms will not break. Today, I ask you to
respond in a very simple, yet powerful way… pray. Pray for the situations I
have mentioned above. Pray for my heart and that God would continue to give me
strength. Pray for my fellow GAP students and the missionaries we work with.
Pray and remember that hope is real. Love is real… you just need to wake up and
open your eyes.
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