My heart aches for you... America.

I have been back in the United States for exactly a week. They warned us that there might be some culture shock; they said there may be some things that really catch you off guard. I thought it might be wise to avoid the crazy malls, because seeing people spend thousands of dollars on toys might be painful after seeing starving children. BUT there is one thing that I can’t seem to avoid. One thing that continues to punch me in the gut and make me grieve for this nation and that is the media.

I want to start by saying that I normally avoid topics of controversy on the internet because it only takes one word to be misread and then people get offended. I’m not here to offend anyone; I just want to give a different perspective. The majority of what I have seen posted about Cop violence and now Civilian violence, has been full of hate. & somewhere along the line each one of us was deceived into believing that this hatred would produce a positive change. That this hatred would drive out the hatred of others. Buddha had it right when he said “Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.” America, if we continue to follow the eye for an eye mentality, we will all end up blind. It seems that many of us have already become blind, but not because someone made you that way, only because you chose to hate.

I am reminded of a story written in the book of Genesis. There were two brothers they both brought their own sacrifices to God. The Bible says, that God looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but did not look with favor on Cain and his offering. (Many have studied this text and believe it is because Cain’s heart was not in the right place; he gave some of what he had, whereas Able gave the best of what he had.) The story goes on to say that Cain became very “angry”. In verse 6 &7 of chapter 4 God speaks to Cain and says this “Why are you so angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, BUT you must rule over it.” Cain was given a warning. He was told that out of his hatred would come sin, but he did not listen, and instead killed his brother. This is the first account of murder recorded in the Bible and there were consequences for his actions that not only affected him, but his entire family.

America, your hatred, in its many forms, is only leading to more pain. Hatred is constantly knocking on your door, through media and other outlets, you must control it, and use that strong emotion to lead you to another that is even stronger… love. How many more hurting families? How many more deaths… till you realize all your posting, ranting, shooting, and destruction will only end in vain? Stop spreading hate, and start spreading love. Stop posting, and start praying.

“Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love.” –Francis of Assisi

Home Sickness, BUT I’m Not Walking This Bridge Alone

I promise that by the end of this blog, you will understand why I choose the title of it; hang in there, I promise it will all come full circle. This past weekend the GAP team had the opportunity to spend four days in the mountains working with two of the local villages there. We did some cleaning projects as well as two children’s programs. The programs were a huge success! I have been involved in programs like this, even when I came to the DR last year, but this was the first time I participated in one that was completely in Spanish; we didn’t use a translator.

After one program I began to speak with a young girl and she shared with me many different things. The whole time I was praying because I wanted to be able to continue to speak to her and understand her. The language kept coming and it was probably the longest conversation I ever had in Spanish. It was great to begin to build relationships with the people, because there is a possibility that we will be able to return to the same villages in the spring. The kids were very receptive to the message we shared with them, and seemed to understand the importance of not putting their joy into to earthly things that can be taken away. As I walked through the poverty, I realized that many of them live in hopeless situations, and this is why the love of Christ is of great importance to them. It was so encouraging to see how God used my teammates to share real joy with these children. We all have different talents, but they came together perfectly, and within that we were able to express genuine love to these people.

This week we have a little bit of a break for Thanksgiving. There are no classes and it is a time to recuperate and refuel; with that comes the realization that I will not be home for Thanksgiving. With that comes some painful memories of an eight year old girl. As many of you know, Thanksgiving is a tough time for my family and I must say that it has been difficult for me to not be with them for the first time since my brother and sister went home to be with Jesus. I’ve cried a lot over the past few weeks. This weekend was good because it took my mind off of things, and when the sadness begins to creep in, I try to think about the weekend and smile because I cannot forget that I am exactly where God wants me.

Well… sometimes I do forget. Sometimes I get tired. I’ve said from the beginning that I want this blog to be a real expression of my time here…the good, the bad, and the ugly. About an hour ago I sat down on the bathroom floor (The only place where I get enough service to Skype) and called my family. It was so nice because my brother, mom, and dad were all home, this has only happened once since I’ve been here. I was so happy to see them all, but we barely got a greeting out and boom, the power goes out. This is not an abnormal event, we lose power all the time, but emotional, homesick Meghan did not want to think rationally. So what do I do? I sat on the floor and cried. Actually, crying might be an understatement, I sobbed. Just picture this for a moment, 6ft 1 Meghan curled up in a ball, crying on the bathroom floor. That was quite a sight for my roommate to see as she walked up the steps. & how does she respond? She sits down on the toilet, rubs my back and just begins to pray, that is exactly what I needed in that moment. I felt alone, but I wasn’t.

Flashback… Sunday morning in the village, it happened. That moment when you do something and think “I would never do this in America!” In order to get to the poorest part of the village, we had to walk across a bridge. This bridge belonged in an Indiana Jones movie or something. It was a swinging bridge, with broken pieces of wood, and it seemed like with every step you took a little bit of a risk. But when I looked in front of me, or behind me, I saw people I loved and that brought me a lot of comfort. It brought me comfort as we swung, back, and forth, suspended over water, that I was not alone. And I’m not alone now. With all these emotions jumbled up inside of me, I’m not alone. I have people here who love me, but even in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep, God is right there. In the darkest of nights, in the deepest of valleys, on the most rickety bridges, God is there. His love is the fuel that keeps me going.

This week, as you reflect on the things you are thankful, be thankful that you’re not alone. Be thankful that God is there and His love is great. Be thankful for the people near and afar. Love a little more. Give a little more. Give thanks.
Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

 

Just One: A Reason to Keep on Going

                We have risen up people in American who are consumed with being the best. If I’m a teacher, I want my students to have the highest test grades. If I’m a musician, I want my band to have the most sold out shows. If I’m a Politician, I will say and do all that I need to, to get the most votes. Even churches are consumed with having the largest congregation.  Some of our dreams for excellence are not bad; they are not all evil or formed with bad intentions, but answer me this… have we lost something in the midst of being consumed with results? Have we looked at certain jobs, tasks, and even people, and laughed simply because they seemed worthless, or below us?

                I came to the Dominican Republic with the hopes of making a visibly large impact. I wanted to leave this program thinking, “Yeah, I rocked that.”  I have quickly come to realization that this is not the case. I have been knocked down and humbled in huge ways, and I’ve never felt… so alive. I’m not alive because I realized that I am unable to save the Dominican, but I’m alive because I have been reminded of two very important things: 1.Every person matters. 2. My strength alone is not enough. I need God’s help in every season.

                I am currently working with 5 students at Emanuel House; 4 boys with their letters, and 1 girl with numbers. All of these children would be in 2^nd grade in the states. They are extremely behind grade level due to poverty conditions and possible undiagnosed disabilities.

                I’ve shed a lot of tears in the Dominican. To many of you this isn’t a surprise, when I’m moved by something I cry. I cry mainly for the reason that I am unable to express in words what my heart is feeling.  These can be tears of happiness, as well as tears of sadness. My tears, these past few months, have been for many different reasons, but a few weeks ago I was crying pretty consistently because I felt like there were so many needs around me, and I was unable to meet them.  I came to the Dominican with the American mentality that I knew what was best, and I would fix any problems that came my way. I not only thought in this way, but I was allowing it to define me and my effectiveness here. The tears I cried were of failure. Why did I feel like a failure? Because I lost sight of the importance of life.

                My time here in the Dominican is not defined by numbers. It is not defined by me being “The Best” at what I’m doing. I’m throwing that junk out the window. Just one. If I can help just one child, if I can love just one child, if I can make a difference in just one child’s life, it will all be worth it. The smile I see on Arlenis face when she finally recognized the number 6, the hugs I receive on the playground that last for what seems like hours, because they just don’t want to let go, this just make it’s all worth it. We have no idea how far our actions today will move through the generations. I have no idea how the impact I have on even one child’s life will affect the people, the neighborhoods, and the future of that child’s life. I don’t need a result today. In fact I don’t ever need to see the result.  I can trust and believe that even the smallest bit of light invades the darkness in a fierce way.

                I’m learning another important lesson, and that is that God’s strength is made perfect in my weaknesses. When I get tired, and crabby, He is enough. When I can’t remember how to say something in Espanol, He is enough. Just as one is enough, He is enough to get me through every trial and situation.

2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

 

Update On the Following Weeks:

-          This weekend I will be staying in a village. Pray that God will work through me and the other three girls who will be staying there!

-          I will be beginning consistent ministry at Josiah’s House (An all boy’s orphanage) Pray that God will give me wisdom as I will be working with a few boys with some behavioral issues.

-          I want to begin teaching English to some of the women who have been rescued from sex trafficking. Pray that I will find time to do this, and do it well.

-          Continue to pray for me at the Emanuel House as I do my best to help my students succeed.

-          Pray for the Dominican as a whole and our team!

-          Thank you all for all of your support! Love ya all!!!

**** Take some time to love and pour into the people in your life. Make a change. Remember every person counts, every person matters.

Beauty From The Ashes

I write this with a heart full of emotions. The things I have experienced and learned within the past couple of days have been life changing. For most of my life, I’ve felt like there was so much I understood in the world, maybe not understood, but at least was aware of. I was wrong.

For the first time since I’ve been in the Dominican I spent a night outside of the GAP apartments. I spent Sunday night at the school (Emanuel House) I will be working at every Monday for the rest of my time here. I really wish I was a stronger writer so that I could accurately paint a picture of what this time was like. I experienced times of joy, sadness, laughter, confusion and with each emotion there was a movement in my heart. There has been movement in my heart since I walked off that plane on August 26^th,  but much like when a seed is planted underneath the soil, you can’t see its growth until it breaks through the soil and reveals itself. My heart has been broken, and it has changed me.

I wrote the above two paragraphs a week ago. I couldn’t bring myself to continue writing because the emotion was too much for me to convey at that moment. I honestly believe that if I would have attempted to explain what was going on in my heart, none of you would understand. Now I am ready, not only because I have had time to work through the emotions, but because the time I spent at Emanuel House this week has been an encouragement in many ways.

The first week I was at Emanuel House, I met five beautiful sisters. The oldest is 13 and the youngest is 5. These girls were full of life. Full of energy and laughter, it was hard not to smile when they were around. One of the sisters who is 10 went to school for the first time that day. Later she sat on my lap for almost an hour looking at a book. She is hungry for knowledge and up to this point has never had the opportunity to go to school. It wasn’t till we were on our drive home that I heard their story. Their mother had been fighting cancer for over a year, their dad was not in the picture, therefore it was the older girl’s responsibility to help take of their other siblings, and mother as she lay on her death bed. Their mother recently passed away, and now dad is back in the picture. I will not go into too much detail, but these young girls are often found walking the streets by themselves in a community where rape is common. It is also assumed that they are given little to no food, except for the food they’re given at Emanuel House. My heart broke and breaks even now for these beautiful girls because they are at great risk for harm. I spent a lot of time this past week praying and asking God how He could allow this to happen. I was reminded that we live in a corrupt and sin infused world, and it literally made me sick.

One day as I was praying and reading my Bible, I read Psalm 33. In the latter half of the Psalm it talks about God seeing and knowing all who live on earth. Verse 19 stuck out to me, it says “to deliver them(those who hope in His love) from death and keep them alive in famine.” I can’t fully explain why this verse had given me a peace and hope about the girls’ situation, but I have taken note that it does not say God will keep us from famine, but will keep us alive in famine. Since we live in this world, we are affected by the sin of this world, but God is victorious. We may not see it in the darkness of our circumstances, but we will see it in the light of eternity.

As I went to Emanuel house for my second overnight Sunday, I was pushed beyond my comfort zone and shown the strength of the LORD. I wrote in my journal that night something that God would fulfill the very next morning! This is what I said “God help me to move out of my comfort zone and be completely used by you! Please be my hands & feet. Be my mouth & speak kindness and love. You have called me to love the broken, I am also BROKEN. But you, Mighty Savior are not!”

I woke up Monday morning and at 8am went to the special ed classroom that I helped out with the week before. I quickly found out that the classroom teacher was sick and they had no replacement. So, I, the American with extremely limited Spanish, was given the task of teaching! This is the only school in all of the area that has a special needs program. Emanuel House is a beacon of hope for all of its students, that come from the poorest and roughest areas of Quisqueya; when I say these children have nothing, that is quite literally what I mean.  To say I was nervous would be an understatement, but I made it through. After the first session of school was over I went upstairs to the room that I stayed in and cried. I cried because I had the opportunity to do something that God put in my heart 15 months ago, and that was to teach in the Dominican Republic. These children with special needs face even more odds than the average Dominican child because they have disabilities in an uninformed country where they are literally treated as outcasts with no potential. Hope. Hope that even in this corrupt and dark world, God’s love is shining so bright and it has the ability to reach the darkest of corners. 

I just want to take a moment and thank you all for your support! Thank you, although some of the situations I have encountered here are heart wrenching, there have been so many positive experiences as well. God is working and moving. He is good. Life is still beautiful. As Anne Frank said, “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”  Today, be a difference maker; a world changer.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

 A flower a student is gave me!

Be Present, Be Here

Our lives are strung together by moments. We experience moments of joy, sadness, laughter, & tears. Then, there are moments when every worry ceases and you become fully present. Fully present; how many of us know what that really feels like? I know what it is like to be distracted. I know what it is like to be worried, but fully present? That can take a lot.

We started classes this past week, and let me tell you, it can be difficult to be fully present after the second hour of Spanish instruction when you know you have two more hours to go. It can be difficult to not get distracted when you’ve gone through 60+ flashcards of Spanish words 3 times and yet you still can’t remember the Spanish word for “likewise” (Igualamente). Now granted these classes are needed for me to be able to assimilate into the culture and also to communicate with the Dominicans, but in the midst of this language barrier, it can be frustrating and tedious. I will share with you the one thing that keeps me going, the one thing that motivates me to try and “roll my “r”s one more time”, it is the moments when being fully present, is as easy as breathing, because I am being transformed by the people in front of me.

I had much anticipation of the bus ride to Quisqueya. I believe that it is within this city that I fell in love with the Dominican last August.  Something in my heart began to stir as we drove down the long narrow road into the city; flashbacks of me looking out at those same fields, with tears rolling down my cheeks because I didn’t want to say goodbye. In the present, I was excited because I knew there would be no need for “Adios”, instead I could say “Hasta Pronto” (See you soon!) As the bus pulled up to the Emmanuel House, a local school that we will be working with, I was present, really for the rest of the day I was present; taking in every sight and sound. Learning about the school and how it functions was amazing! Most of the students who receive an education at Emmanuel House, are unable to attend other schools due to poverty and home life. Students with disabilities are bused into Emmanuel House from long distances because other schools will not service them. I felt the purest sense of hope as I looked at the pictures of all the beautiful children who attend school there, proudly hung on one of the classroom walls. Without Emmanuel House many of these children would never have the opportunity to be educated, but there is hope.

We then took some time to walk the streets of Quisqueya. I had mentioned in a previous blog about my trip last August and the opportunity I had to pray with a mother whose son was recently put in jail because he killed his cousin. This was an emotional time for me last year because there was such a sense of heaviness and pain in that house. As we approached this same house and I saw the mother sitting on the porch, smiling, tears filled my eyes. As we spoke with her, I discovered that her son was still in jail, but it was evident that she had a peace that was lacking this time last year. Her circumstances had not changed, but something in her heart did. In this moment I was completely present and surrounded by the faithfulness of God; she found comfort in her Saviors arms.

In one of the last houses that we went to, I met a girl who was 15 and unable to go to school because she has no birth certificate. She desperately wants to learn, and help her mother provide for her other siblings, but there is little she can do without an education. This moment, this moment, as I looked down at the dirt floor of their very tiny home, this is the moment when I wished things could be different. To be honest, this is the moment when I said “God, why?” & in the same breath said “Your ways are better than mine, you will provide.” See, I do not know what is next in this beautiful girl’s story, but I do know that I will pray, and if it is possible, I will help, but even more importantly, I know that God loves her more than I possibly ever could. I will trust.

As I reflect one the stories I have written above, I feel God comforting me and showing me his faithfulness. Yesterday I was able to visit an all-girls orphanage called Pasitos De Jesus. I spent 4 days at this orphanage last August. There were a few girls who remembered me, and greeted me with big hugs; it was beautiful. We laughed and played with the girls for a couple of hours. They all are so happy and full of life, it wasn’t until I stopped and looked into their eyes that I remembered they all have stories. Stories that are filled with pain and abandonment. Many of them left on the streets with no one to take care of them, but then one day their lives changed, and they received shelter, clothes, food, and… love. Just as their stories went from bleak to filled with hope, so can the story of a young 15 year old girl who desires desperately to better herself, but currently has no means to.

My heart in writing these blogs, and sharing with you all some of the deepest parts of my soul, is not that you would think “Wow, Meghan’s doing such an awesome thing.”, but to give you all hope. My prayer is that we will wake up each day and confidently face any trial. My prayer is that we would wake up and not only see the needs in this world, but do our best to meet them. Please take some time to pray for me and my fellow Gappers, but take even more time to pray for the people of the Dominican. Thank you all for your support and kindness, continue to share that kindness with the many people you come into contact with throughout your day. Be there, be real, be present.

~Meghan Elizabeth

Chicken Throat, Hand Sized Spiders, Sleep Walking & A Foreign Language

 I’ve been in the Dominican for 6 days and I can confidentially say that I am right where I am supposed to be. The first few days were all about getting to know the other GAP students. There are 12 of us all together and we have honestly become so close already. Over the years I have had the opportunity to work with groups of people in many different settings (Basketball, work, Circle C) and I can honestly say that I have never seen such a diverse group of people bond so quickly. Everyone on the team has such a beautiful heart, and they really want to grow, and be used while down here in the Dominican.

There are many things that I want to blog about but for the sake of time, yours and mine, I will narrow it down to a few. First off, let me just say that the moment I walked out of the Santo Domingo airport, I felt completely blessed. Tears rolled down my face on the drive to our apartments; finally I was back in the country that my heart was yearning for. On one side I could see the ocean, and on the other a broken culture, both beautiful in their own ways. I literally cannot thank everyone that has supported me enough; it is hard for me to explain how much joy is my heart.

Almost every night since I’ve been here, I have either slept walked, or talked in my sleep.  Luckily, my roommate is amazing and finds it all to be pretty hilarious. The one night it was really bad and I slammed my face into the top bunk, currently the bridge of my nose is pretty red and swollen. I usually only talk and walk in my sleep when I am nervous about something, but I think this time it is due to just being excited all the time. Even though I am pretty darn tired as I write this, I still feel a large sense of excitement to simply be living the life I am currently living.

Yesterday the team went to a village called San Jose; this was the first village I visited last August. Our first assignment when we got there was to go with a guide who spoke no English into a family’s home and do our best to converse with them, while observing cultural differences from American life. This was a tough task because we all have very limited Spanish. The two women whose house we visited were very welcoming and seemed happy to have us in their home.  Although there was a lot of awkward silence, it was a good experience and showed me that I really need to take my Spanish classes seriously if I want to make an impact while I’m here. This culture is so open to relationship and I want to engage and love on these people.

Since our group did a good job making observations of cultural differences, we got to eat some chicken throat and feet, what a prize right?! The meat itself was good, but the feeling of the neck bones in my hand was… well, let’s just say it was different! A few other examples of things that are different here are that most bathrooms (If there are any) are outside of the homes, there is no speed limit, rice is eaten at almost every meal, and the spiders… they’re not spiders, but giant mutant insects with 8 legs. My roommates and I faced one of these “spiders” in the shower last night. It was an experience to say the least (You can catch a short clip of it on my Facebook wall.).

Final thought: I want to be different, and I want to make a difference. I could go these next 9 months and live for myself, but in the end that does nothing for anyone. I want to be pushed out of my comfort zone. I want to love until it hurts. I feel changes happening in me and I feel like I’m becoming more and more aware of the needs of the people around me. If you’re stateside, or in a third world country, there are needs to be met. This may mean you need to let your walls come down and be vulnerable; this may mean you need to do something that you never thought you could do, but you must respond with a sense of urgency. The world is in need of some difference makers. As each breath enters your lungs, remember Who gave it to you, and use it to make a change.

I don't have all the answers, but that's okay.

     What a day! Today I had the awesome opportunity to share with my church family at theWELL about my trip to the Dominican. For the past few years we have had an I Heart Buffalo series; this is when different people come in and talk to the church about ways to get involved in their local communities, as well as extended communities around the world. It truly was an honor to share.
I shared about my passion for the Dominican as well as my journey to this point in my life. I love to encourage others with my financial experiences because I believe that it really does point to God. I shared with everyone that I had raised all my money, but needed $150 more for my second set of airline tickets in December. During the last song of worship, I sat down and began to pray. I was keenly aware of the blessings in my life and I wanted to thank God for giving me more than I ever deserved, or ever will deserve. I realized that there was someone standing beside me, so I looked up and saw a young boy (around 4) and his father standing by me. The boy extended his arm and I then realized he had money in his hand ($160) that he was giving me. He had a huge smile on his face. To say that this is one of the most precious moments in my life thus far, would be an understatement. I gave him a huge hug and began to cry.
     After the service many more came to me with money, while sharing that they were moved by what I had to say and that they were confident that God would use me on this journey. One woman handed me a $100 bill and with tears in her eyes said that she felt God prodding her to bring cash to church, and she knew it was supposed to be given to me the moment I began to speak. One word to describe my morning... Blessed.
     I do not know how to fully put what I'm feeling right now into words, but that's okay. You see, I've recently had some interesting conversations with people about my faith. One in particular, was difficult. I am not a forcer of my beliefs, I will share in moments of authenticity, but I'm relational to the core, and with that comes a desire to know people in a real way, as well as be known. I don't want to hide who I am. So, when someone asks me about my faith, or even questions me, it doesn't bother me. What is hard, and hurtful, is when someone asks a question but doesn't want to listen to your answer. Their sole purpose is to attack your beliefs. I pray that I never do this. I pray that my eyes will always see a person, with a heart & emotions. I was hurt by this conversation, really hurt.
One of the great things about pain, of any kind, is that it causes you to reflect. I call it a heart check.       
     This morning I realized that I do not have all the answers, and even if I did, they wouldn't be good enough for every person that I meet in this world. I do not understand all the darkness in this world; sometimes I think about it and question where God is in it all. & honestly, I can't answer that question in a way that will please everyone. I will say, that this morning, and everyday if I keep my eyes open, I see beauty in this world. I see the creator writing "I love you Meghan" in a young boy's smile. I hear his voice say "I am here." as I weep over a broken family. As my lungs fill with air, supplying my body with all that it needs, I know with confidence that my times not up on this earth. Even with my last breath, I still want to see beauty, and I still want to believe. There are things that no one can take away from me, no amount of logic can take away those moments of love, and reckless abandonment.
     Today I want to encourage you all to first, be real with yourself; evaluate the places deep in your soul where there is pain & speak it out loud, in that same moment take in the beauty around you. Second, be willing to love on someone who is different from you. Go out of your way and make someone smile. Lastly, pray with expectation... and wait, He will come through.
~Meghan Elizabeth

"In this wasteland that I'm living, there is a crack in the door filled with light, & it's all I need to shine."

Just STOP and Breathe

People stop and stare with empty eyes, looking for a word to brighten their day. Sometimes I feel like I’m just too busy looking down to notice. Looking down at my phone, looking down to make sure that I don’t trip, that I don’t get hurt. It’s a metaphor, because to stop, to look up, to speak, is to be vulnerable. And we all have experienced it too many times to forget that to be vulnerable, can mean being rejected, or even worse, someone intentionally causing pain in your life.

Today I stopped. I said “God, please use me to encourage someone today. You’ve encouraged me and I want to encourage others. You were there when I felt hopeless and gave me a hope that became reality. You were there when the tears were falling and gave me love. Help me to be real and respond with words of love when others are real with me.”

My 23 years on this earth have been filled with a whirlwind of emotions. I’ve experienced what it is like to hold a child shortly after it has been born; I’ve experienced what it is like to sit next to someone as they take their last breath. I have seen the strong people in my life fall to their knees from unbearable pain; I have seen people rise to tackle a mountain and succeed.  I’ve felt heartbreak but I’ve also been the cause of someone’s heartbreak. Although I have experienced many things, I am still moved when people are vulnerable with me and share their story. When people share with me their joys, fears, dreams, and pain, I am sincerely moved.

It was my first time walking through this village. I could sense the oppression, I could feel the agony. The homes I saw were made of all different types of materials that were put together with one purpose, to create some type of shelter, something that felt safe. Our guide was a woman who had been in the village for many years, she spoke only Spanish, but loved flowed off of her in every direction. She had a light about her, although she walked with a burden for her people, she walked with a confidence that the LORD would heal the deepest of wounds; the wounds of the heart.

We walked through the village and stopped at house with a woman and a young boy sitting outside of it.  Our translator interpreted, and my ears began to listen, but my eyes did not leave the woman who was being comforted by our guide. As I looked into her eyes I could see she was experiencing loss. My eyes began to swell with tears because the emotion was tangible to me. It was one of the moments that it seems like the world stops and all you can feel is right now. The tears fell when our translator explained that her son was killed by her nephew, who is now in jail. The pain of a broken family, a hole in the heart that never completely heals on this side of eternity. The translator then asked “Who will pray for this woman and her family?”  Then I heard someone say “Meghan”. It was silent for a moment, not because I was afraid to pray, but because I needed to gain some composure. I breathed slowly and then spoke. The tears never stopped falling, even with my eyes closed, I could see this woman’s pain. When I finished praying, I still felt that pain, but I also felt joy. Over and over again I am learning that two emotions that are polar opposite can somehow be felt at the same time, and there is always a peace that comes with that.

Today, I will be aware; aware of others emotions. I will remind myself over and over again, that it is not about me. I am not the only one who is hurting. I am not the only one who feels pain. I will share my joy with others, but I will also share my weaknesses. I will listen to words that are both spoken, and unspoken. I will encourage until I have nothing left to give. LORD, give me your strength.

2 Corinthians 12:9 "But He said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

James 1:19 "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."

 

My Heart Must Be Bigger Than My Emotions

     My heart must be bigger than my temporary emotions. I woke up this morning, and if I am being completely honest, there is a lot on my mind. In 73 days, I will be boarding a plane, and my life will be changed. I have always been the type of girl who liked change, most people are afraid of it, but more times than not I am seeking it out in my life. I want to be better. I want to give more, laugh more, listen more, forgive more, and love more. I know that my time in the Dominican will change me forever and it excites me, but this morning I am facing some fears as well. I like the life I live. I enjoy the feeling of being established and having the comfort of certain people who have known me my entire life. I am realizing that I am being asked to put this comfort aside for a time, and I have no clue as to how long this time will last.
     When I was in the Dominican, I volunteered to share my story with some people in a village, and at an all girls orphanage. I've done this many times, but never in a different culture. Never with people who physically had so little. I was nervous. As I began to talk, I wished that I never would have volunteered. This was way out of my comfort zone.
    I had to continue to remind myself to talk slow and clear so that the translator would be able to accurately relay what I was saying. As I began to share about my brother and sisters death, tears fell. These tears were not a representation of me being sad because of the death of Michelle and Jason, but tears of compassion while I looked into the eyes of the hurting. There were 70+ people there, adults and children, and I was not sure if anything I had to say would ever encourage them. Their gaze was directly on me and I could see the pain. I realized that I was talking to people who had faced trials and pain that I could not even imagine. How would my story ever encourage or help them in anyway?See that's the thing about fear... it lies. If you listen to it long enough, you will mistake it for truth.           When I finished speaking, a woman came to me and said "When you talked, they listened. God is using your story in powerful ways. I see so much strength in you." In that moment I was a little overwhelmed with emotion, because for those few moments, in some small way, I felt the weight of those peoples pain. In the days after, I saw the joy they had, which flowed so naturally from within them. You can live in a dark world, but still have light beaming from the core of who you are.
     I treasure these memories close to my heart. I may have never experienced them, or learned a very important lesson if I allowed my fears to defeat me. My love for people must be bigger than my fears. My dreams must be bigger then the comfort of today. My heart must be bigger than my emotions.
- Meghan

 

The Money Mountain

     We live in a society that is driven by money. If you live in America, then it is pretty safe to assume that there have been few days that you did not have at least a small interaction with money. For many people, it can be a source of worry, or anxiety. When I first heard about the GAP year during my week trip to the Dominican last August, my initial reaction was, "There is no way I could raise that much money." $10,500 and then another $800 for airfare was a huge mountain, and if I'm being completely honest, I did not have any desire to even attempt to climb.
    As I continued on with my week in the Dominican, I felt God question my faith. "If the money were not a problem, if I provided you with all the financial resources you needed, would you be willing to give me that year of your life? Would you be willing to put your career on hold for a year? Would you be willing to live in a culture that is not you own?" My answer as I looked out of the window of a van, driving down a dirt road, leaving the people that I fell in love with in just one short week was "Yes." I knew in that moment that if God truly wanted me there, he would make it clear, and he would provide. There is only one response that I am required to give when God calls me to do something, and that is a simple "Yes."
     After my acceptance to the GAP program, about 3 months after I had left the Dominican, I knew it was time to let everyone know of my plans and start fundraising. I sent out letters to some of my family and close friends. I also began to advertise for a spaghetti dinner/ raffle fundraiser. I had a lot of encouraging responses and many people supported me by financially donating. Before the event I had raised roughly $2,000. As the event came closer, I was amazed at the support I received. So many people donated baskets, and every time I turned around there were more, and more! My wonderful cousin, and a few other people made delicious desserts to sell, and my Dad's friend bought all the ingredients to make the sauce. Two weeks before the event, I was trying to estimate how much money I could possibly make if "X" amount of people came. I wanted to make $3,000 because I saw that as a goal that could be attained. One day as I was praying I felt God question my hearts motive. "Have you given this to me? Do you trust me to go above and beyond your expectations? Dream big Meghan, and pray in expectation." That day I realized that money is nothing to God. He is above our financial understanding. He is in control. That was the first time the number $5,000 was laid on my heart.
    I treasured this number in my heart and prayed over it for the next two weeks. The day of the event had finally arrived and I was excited and anxious all at the same time. To say that I felt loved throughout those 4 hours in an understatement. There were times where I would literally just stand still and soak it all in. I have heard this saying many times "Wherever you are, be all there." In those moments, I was all there. I wasn't just there, but I was there with a heart that overflowed with pure thankfulness.
    At the end of the event, I sat down, began to count the money and open up the donation envelopes. I was amazed at peoples generosity. At one point I began to cry, because it was unbelievable to see how many people were supporting me on this God ordained journey. When I had finished counting, the total amount raised was $4,800. Now, do not get me wrong, I was THANKFUL, but to say that there wasn't a little disappointment in my heart would be a lie. "God, you told my $5,000 and we were so close. But, you will provide. I know you will provide." This thought replayed over, and over again in the short 5 minute drive home from the dinner. It wasn't until we unloaded the car that it hit me. "The envelope!" One of my wonderful friends, gave me an envelope while we were setting up earlier that morning and told me to put it in a safe place, and open it later. I quickly got the envelope out of the bag, and before I could even open it, tears began to fall. I knew in my heart that God was providing! Even though common sense would say, "There is no way a college aged girl would be able to give $200." I serve a God that put the galaxies into motion. I opened the envelope and had to sit down because I was physically unable to stand. 300 Dollars and a beautiful card from a friend who lives each day obeying Gods call on her life. $5,100 total. God exceeded my expectation. He gave me a dream and he showed up, because that is what he does. He always shows up!
    I have gotten more generous donations since then and currently owe $140 to the organization and will hopefully raise some more money for some of my travel expenses. If you would like to donate you can do so online http://www.scoreintl.org/donate/gap-student/. If you do not feel comfortable with an online transaction, you can contact me for more information.
    I am blessed beyond measured. I am excited to see how God provides the rest of the money, and then how He provides for me in many different ways when I get to the Dominican on August 25th. I read this yesterday in a card that was given
to me for my High School graduation, I hope that it encourages you as it has me.
"Some people are committed to the challenge to walk within His will and do their part- They're sure to make a difference in the world, because there's such a difference in their heart."
For His Glory!
-Meghan

The Start of a Dream

     I do not want my first post to be one that address finances, because this dream, and desire did not start with a dollar amount. It did not start because I thought that one day it would make me rich; it did not start because I thought it was easy, but it started because I was moved.
     I hope that each one of you reading this, will understand, from personal experience, what it means to be "moved". Have you ever experienced a passion that gained so much momentum in your life, that it in many ways consumed who you were? This is the kind of passion that when your thoughts drift out of reality, they always somehow end up at that desire. If you answered the above question with a "yes", then you have in fact been "moved".
     There have been many times in my life when I have been moved by my faith; when there was nothing else I would rather do then go be by a lake somewhere, and simply sit in the presence of my creator. I have treasured these experiences and still yearn for more and more. Unfortunately, there have only been a few times when I was moved by a cause, or for people. It makes me sad when I reread what I just wrote, because I have always desired to have a heart for others, and I now realize that I have wasted a lot of my life being consumed by my own "issues", or pain. But, it is never too late to make your life count.
     When I went to the Dominican Republic last year, I was "moved". Not the kind of moved you feel, when you see those SPCA commercials with pictures of sad dogs, and Sarah McLachlan singing a ballad. Not the kind of moved you feel when you see a picture of a hungry child that asks you to donate a dollar a day. Please understand that I am not saying any of these foundations are bad, but in America we like to feel movement that lasts for a minute and then passes when we complete some "generous" act that only took a few minutes of our time, and dollars from our pocket. This movement I experienced was life changing for me. For some reason graduating college, and then going on to grad school, and then getting some teaching job that I would do till I retired, wasn't that appealing to me anymore. I wanted to help these people in some way, because they taught me more than any degree ever could. They taught me how to give, how to love, and truly how to do life together.
    I will be going to the Dominican for 9 months come this August. The program I will be a part of will give me the opportunity to learn in a hands on way, what it means to dedicate your life to helping those who live in a different culture. To say that I am excited is an understatement! I have been yearning for this since my week trip to the Dominican last August. I am starting this Blog so that I can share with you all the many stories and lessons that will impact my life forever. The cool thing is that this program is a just a small step towards my ultimate dream of starting a school in a third world country, where education is withheld from certain people, by the government, to keep people enslaved. I am not much of a writer, so please bare with me as I do my best to paint a picture, with words, of the passion growing inside of me. In the next few days I will be rereading my journal that I wrote while I was in the Dominican to share specific stories with you all. Hopefully these stories will help you better understand my excitement in some way. I will also post about my financial journey to this point, because it is pretty amazing how so many people have supported me in huge ways! Thanks for reading, can't wait to share more of how God has literally been blowing my mind!